*sniffs in Oscar winner (even though it’s a book)*
“None of this—I mean NONE of this— would have been possible without the help of a few people. I would like to take this opportunity to thank—”
I kid, I kid; I am nowhere near there (yet) but this is how I actually feel. I intend to talk about a lot once I establish my writing/blogging/YouTube/promotion routine, but those of you who know me or have followed my YouTube videos know that this is a HUGE achievement for me. As poised as I may appear, I am the proverbial duck: flapping away below the surface to stay afloat in a sea of self-doubt, insecurity, low self-esteem and a tendency to the depressive.
But I’ll shake the cliches off and put it simply: I am the last person that thought I could do this. Even though I have the talent; even as I completed chapter after chapter; even as I sent sent the manuscript off for editing; even as I was discussing cover concepts; even as I sent the manuscript to be converted to ebook and book format; even as I purchased ten ISBN numbers–(more out of a desire to get value for money, than because I saw my career advancing as far as ten books); even as I submitted the final manuscript and cover in PDF form to Amazon and Createspace; even as I submitted tax forms and bank account numbers for royalties; even as I did all of that, I expected a portly man in an ill-fitting suit to enter stage left, guffawing until great, racking coughs bent him double, tears of mirth streaming from his eyes, cameramen scurrying after him, eager to catch my mortified expression as he revealed to me that this had all been one big joke.
But there is a lot to be said for vision, focus and–most importantly–deciding that you have had enough of your own bullshit. Vision and focus, I will deal with in another post (they deserve acknowledgement all of their own), but it is with overwhelming relief that I can say that, for once, disgust triumphed: I was fed up of mediocrity. So, I vowed two things to myself.
The first was that I would give PHASES a shot—a proper shot. However dejected I felt, however tired I got, however stupid I felt reviving a book I wrote at twenty-one and however much I felt like giving up, I would see it through to publication. If I then wanted to abandon all writing, bar my signature and captions on social media, then I wouldn’t beat myself up; I could say I tried.
The second was that I had no fucking right to call myself a author until I had produced something in the affirmative, and would never again refer to myself as such until I had completed at least a first draft. I cringe to remember how one ex-colleague of mine, who was of a certain vintage, asked me: “Kunmi, do you think we’ll see a book before I ‘go’?” (Read: die) Funnier still was that I actually had no idea whether I would put pen to paper before thirty-or-so-years went by!
Here I am, however, and it feels stupendous. I want to wax lyrical about the process and the long nights and the raccoon eyes from tiredness and the elation I feel, but I’ll save that for the vision and purpose post. I will say this, though: I am excited about writing, I am committed to building a lucrative career out of it, and I cannot wait to build a fan base and connect with people all over the world through my stories and blogs. Most of all, I will not be abandoning anything–PHASES is just the beginning.
I AM AN AUTHOR! (and a published one, at that)
XO, Kunmi Daniel
PHASES is available on Amazon as an ebook and in paperback, and on Createspace in paperback, price £2.99 and £6.99 respectively – simply click the “PHASES” tab in the menu!